This past weekend was valentine’s day. I personally don’t celebrate this so called Holiday, but I have had many thoughts and struggles with heart issues lately.
I went to a friend’s house this weekend and saw the one little man who will forever have my heart. My friend was having a party and he was standing around trying to see what he could get himself into. I silently watched until he noticed that I was there. As soon as he saw me, he made a beeline through the dining room and literally jumped into my arms giving me the biggest hug. This was no surprise to me. He has had this reaction for years. Somehow it never ceases to make me smile and love him soooooooo much more. This night in particular I was having a lot of heart issues and it made my day. He could tell something was wrong and when he asked if I was sad, the silent tears began to fall. (I can’t seem to stop crying these days. Happy and sad tears!) He just wiped my tears and said over and over “It’s o.k. Ya Ya.” The evening progressed and we finally ended up with him “making” me muffins, chicken nuggets and lettuce (a.k.a. salad) with pretend food, for my pretend dinner.
Jack is 4 yrs. old and has had my heart since he was 6 months old. We have spent lots of time together since he was a baby. The story is too long for me to put here but I’m sure bits and pieces will be shared in my blog. Most of the time when I am leaving him, I have to sneak away because he keeps telling me, “Don’t go Ya Ya, stay and play with me.” It breaks my heart and I almost always drive away with tears. Anyway…
My one and only…Jack a boo.
The next day in my prayer time, I began to think about my relationship with Jack and his family. I started to think about my spiritual family and my relationship with Christ in particular. I know that I love Jack and He loves me. Anyone who sees us can tell. How much MORE does Christ love me? Can people tell that I am in love with Him?
On Friday during our prayer journey, we did an exercise to learn about hearing The Lord’s voice in the midst of a crowd. Half of us stood on one side of the park, while our team mate was on the other. They had to walk to us with eyes closed, through trees just by listening to our instructions. Mind you there were at least 6 of us standing next to each other yelling. Somehow, everyone made it to their partners. Am I listening for God’s voice in the crowd or am I willing to settle for the instructions of someone else? Do I even look for His instructions or just automatically go my own way?
I related this to my relationship with Jack. Our “connection” is so intense that most of the time, he doesn’t even have to know that I have come into the house. There has been many times he comes running downstairs screaming my name and happy to see me just because of his ” Ya Ya sixth sense.” I can’t explain it. I don’t even have to talk most of the time, he simply knows that I am there. His mother and I have discussed it… Scary…
I digress, Sometimes we forget that Jesus is always there, He longs to see us and spend time with us. He wants to be there when we are happy or when we are sad to wipe away our tears. We don’t have to tell Him that we are sad, or where we are, He simply knows. His arms are always open to give us a hug. We don’t ever have to utter a word if we don’t want to. We can just sit with him and simply be. Sometimes we decide to walk away from Him and He is constantly whispering, Don’t go, stay and play/sit/talk/sup with me. Let’s talk about your day, and plans for the future. He wants to be a part of everything we are a part of not just the bad stuff. Quite simply, he wants to have our heart. He want’s to have that “new” relationship feeling that progresses into the intimacy of people who have been married 50 years. He wants all of me.
So as I was packing the last of my stuff and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. I thought about my struggles with heart issues. They will work themselves out as long as I continue to wrap myself in HIM and listen to HIS instructions. I must make sure that the RIGHT ONE truly has MY heart… See Matthew 6:33
P.S. – B.A.D. Thanks for letting me share your boy’s heart. I love you!
The song You Invite Me in – by Meredith Andrews sums it up for me…
I’ve been searching
Wandering and hurting
Ashamed of the shape I’m in
Afraid you’ll see who I really am
But you invite me in
Doesn’t matter where I’ve been
Your arms are open wide
There’s nothing left to hide
Wandering and hurting
Ashamed of the shape I’m in
Afraid you’ll see who I really am
But you invite me in
Doesn’t matter where I’ve been
Your arms are open wide
There’s nothing left to hide
How can this be
A love so unfailing
Reached down and lifted me
From ashes to beauty
A love so unfailing
Reached down and lifted me
From ashes to beauty
And you invite me in
Doesn’t matter where I’ve been
Your arms are open wide
There’s nothing left to hide
Doesn’t matter where I’ve been
Your arms are open wide
There’s nothing left to hide
You invite me in
Doesn’t matter who I’ve been
Your arms are open wide
Holding me to your side
Doesn’t matter who I’ve been
Your arms are open wide
Holding me to your side
Now I am walking away from the life I once knew
And running into your grace
It covers my shame again and again
I find my life in you
You invite us in
Doesn’t matter where we’ve been
Your arms are open wide
There’s nothing left to hide
You invite us in
Doesn’t matter who we’ve been
Your arms are open wide
Holding us to your side
Your arms are open wide
I loved this Toya!
yay! thanks for sharing about your time at home….and some lessons you’ve been learning here! 🙂 i love it!
Toya, You brought tears to my eyes as I read your words about my sweet little boy. The bond that you and Jack share is one of a kind, and it has gladdened my heart and lightened my load many, many times to know that he has this with you. One thing you left out, Jack is not the only one in this family who loves you beyond words and shares a special bond with you….I’d like to think that what we have is pretty special as well. Thanks to God, I have you in my life and my children have you in their lives. God sent you to me at the lowest point in my life to care for my babies and my heart and soul. I can never thank you enough for all you have done and continue to do for us, but I can offer up my constant prayer for all the blessings life can offer to be heaped upon you.
God is good and so are you, my friend. Your description of God’s love and the way our love for him should be was so accurate. My relationship with God was lost and off track for awhile, but now, thanks in large part to your gentle patience and constant prayer, I find myself growing in his love each and every day.
Okay, so now my comment is as long as your post…sorry! But, it’s hard to tell someone how much they mean to you in just a sentence or two. On behalf of Jack, Lauren, Katie and myself, know that you are loved and special and our home will forever be your home. This means you have to stay with us now when you come home to visit!
Love, Brigette
I loved this Toya and encourage that you make sure the RIGHT ONE truly has your heart. It’s my heat’s desire too. With God, all things are possible.I love you dearly.