Blog

Explore My News,
Thoughts & Inspiration

2009 by far has been my most uncomfortable year.

The year started with me going to Africa. A place I never had any desire to go but knew unequivocally that the Lord was sending me there. I got on the plane telling the Lord, I am doing this simply out of obedience. I want to be in the Dominican Republic!

Well, He rocked my world when I was in Cameroon. I had no idea that my heart could be so broken and yet so full all at the same time. The people of Cameroon, were warm and welcoming and they immediately stole my heart. Those of you who know me well, know that this is no easy feat. I have been called the “ice queen” by more than one person. (with good reason!) I don’t let people in too easily and yet while I was there, it was like I wasn’t capable of shutting people out.

I came back to the states to enter my Missionary Community in Georgia. Challenging is the nicest word that I can use for this time. Going from living alone in my own home, to sharing a home with 11 other people was more than I bargained for! The Lord and I had more than one conversation about what He was doing to me.

Learning to live on support, trusting God to meet my needs and to touch the hearts of those around me was not a situation that I ever planned for myself. I am miss Independent, the strong one that everyone else leans on and the person who usually meets the needs of others. God put the brakes on that. When He had me quit my wonderful job, (a job that I loved by the way!) He told me that I had to learn to depend on Him, see myself as He sees me and get my worth and value from Him alone and not what I do. That was a lesson in itself. I must admit that I had and can still have an amazing amount of pride. Slowly over this year, the Lord has been stripping me and peeling off layer after layer of what needs to be removed from my life so that He can mold me into who He wants me to be. He still has some work to do but I am willing to allow Him to do it.

As I lived in Community, worked in AIM offices and tried to figure out what I had gotten myself into, the Lord began to move. I was privileged to see Him work in the lives of my 12 housemates. There were days when we wanted to kill each other but we delved more into the word and more into the reasons why God had brought us together in the first place. When we put aside our selfishness, we were able to see each other more like the Lord saw each of us. In the midst of all of the conflict, we were able to learn, and grow spiritually. Some of my favorite times of ministry were with those 11 other individuals. There are days now that I miss them. Leading and participating in various mission trips and other aspects of ministry with my Com-Life family left me wanting more.

Mid year, the Lord allowed me and many of you to participate in the miracle of Lydia’s surgery. I look at her pictures daily and am amazed at how straight her legs are and how wonderful her smile is. That family has been changed and I don’t think God is finished with them yet. I long to get back to Cameroon to see her run and hold her in my arms.

My summer was spent on the beautiful island of Kona, Hawaii. Debbie, Athol, Brigette, Lee, Suzan and Elvis how I love thee and miss your children. What a marvelous time spent with Missionaries from around the world. Being surrounded by people who are hungry for more of the Lord was priceless. My time in Hawaii also marked the passing of my last grand-parent. My grandmother died after I had only been there a few weeks and that was a tough time for me. I was surprised at how much emotion I had, after vowing never to go to another funeral, I actually longed to go to hers. God spent some time healing me and teaching me about trusting in His perfect will. He made some things crystal clear, while more questions came for other situations.

The last quarter of the year left me wondering what God has in store for me and what His plans are for Toya in 2010.  I was able to utilize my skills as an event planner to put together AIM’s 20th Anniversary Celebrations. This too left me with mixed feelings. While I greatly enjoyed the planning process, I told the Lord, I don’t want my legacy to be that I can throw a good party. I want my gifts and talent’s to be used for you. I want to make a difference in the lives of others for the sake of the kingdom.

Going to Swazi with the NFL wives ended my year nicely but with a hunger for more experiences like it. God was so real. He showed up in so many ways and He managed to kick my behind a few times while I was there as well. He showed me how He was pleased with me but also the areas where I need to come up  a little higher.He is such a loving Father and wants the best for us. It’s sad to me that I feel like I am really learning this principle this year.

I have had a near empty physical bank account, car that died more than once, wondered where I was going to live and what my future looked like and experienced more craziness than I ever have in my entire life. On the flip side, my spiritual bank account has been full and overflowing and I have had some of the happiest moments of my life as well.

I have been taken out of my comfort zone and thrust into a world of challenge and absolute trust in the Lord. What a marvelous place to be.  I would be lying if I said that at times, this doesn’t make me a little nervous. However, I know that I am not responsible for what God has ordered. I am only responsible for being obedient to what He has called me to do. So 2010 will be filled with baby steps. Listening to hear the voice of the Lord and patiently walking out the steps He has ordained for me.

What does 2010 look like for me? All I can tell you for sure is that I will be back on the continent of Africa a few times, I will probably be using my vampire skills to help some people with medical issues, leading mission trips to various places in the world and will continue to trust God to make the rest known.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. Thank you for your prayers, financial support and encouragement. I need them more than you know. Thank you most of all for believing in me when I sometimes doubted myself. If you are reading this email, it’s because you mean much to me. I’m grateful that the Lord has allowed you to be a part of my life and I look forward to hearing your stories of how God is moving for you and your family!

Blessings to you.

One response to “My Most Uncomfortable Year”

  1. Thank you for sharing your story Toya. God is going to do more marvelous things with you! I know you can’t wait!