It’s been more than two months since I have been in Haiti and it has been an interesting ride….
Somehow some of my translators began calling me Mom. I don’t know how or when it started. Sometime back I figured out that my name (Toya) is translated as something not so nice in Creole so we asked a group of Haitians to give me a Haitian name. They came up with YaYa which delighted me to no end. (To know why this delighted me so click here.)
Along the way it has changed to Mama YaYa and the staff and participants have picked it up. Some days it’s funny and other days I don’t know what to do with it. I just roll with the punches and keep moving. I will say that the Lord has truly deepened my “motherly instincts.” It’s a little strange. I form an abnormal attachment to my participants each week. As you watch them blossom and grow deeper in the Lord each week, something happens to you. One week, I had a sick participant and had to stay with them at the base as the team went out. My heart hurt as I watched them walk down the streeet. I felt like a mom sending her child off to kindergarten for the first time. I desperately wanted to go and be with them but I knew that I couldn’t. I had to trust the Lord and my support staff to care for them in my absence. This is a lesson the Lord continues to teach me. He has work to do through me but I have to remember that the work can get done in spite of me.
Last week this hit home in a big way. I was with a group and started not to feel well. I woke up on Wed. morning feeling like a truck had hit me and I had almost lost my voice. I am allergic to dust and the previous day we had walked a lot through a very dusty area. I was having an allergic reaction that I hadn’t had in years. I forced myself to rest and my wonderful support staff took over. I was fortunate to have a nurse on the team to give me medication and I began to feel better the next day. During my time of resting on the porch, I was arguing with the Lord. Did I really have to get sick with this team?? I want to do this and this and this. We have ministry to do. etc. etc. etc. He calmly let me know that ministry was still happenning and I didn’t HAVE to do anything for ministry to go forth. Ministry was going to happen if I was there or not. He can choose to use me but I can’t think that things won’t happen if I am not there.
So Mama YaYa can take care of her “babies” but I have to remember that just like a “real” mom, children are given to you as a gift and a loan from the Lord. You have to train them up in the way He wants you to but He is the one that is doing the real work. At some point you have to step back. It is crucial to seek Him each day for the direction our lives are supposed to go and ask Him how we are affect those around us. Mamma is a guide and a facilitator of the Lord’s bigger plan. Sometimes this is hard for me to remember. I want to take care of everyone and fix it all but I can’t. This is harder for me to admit but I can’t do it all. Even if I desperately want to.
