I am overwhelmed. My heart is full of joy and broken at the
same time.
I love the family that I am staying with. My heart is broken
when I realize that the boys in the house have been using the outhouse near our
building so that I can have the “real” bathroom to myself. We don’t have
running water inside the house. They are
using the outhouse and yet they haul water on a daily basis so that my drum is
full inside and I am able to focus on my work and spending time with God. LOVE.
Mama Leah runs herself crazy to make sure that I have food that I like and that
I am eating enough of it. I have weekly scoldings because in her eyes I am not
eating enough and she notices that I have lost weight since my arrival. You
must eat she says or the American’s will not allow you to come back because you
are too small… All of the explanation in the world that me losing weight is a
good thing means nothing to her. EAT she says… LOVE.
The founder of the school I will attend has promised me
extra work and more assignments than the other students at the school. LOVE? I
think so. I’m sure of it but it doesn’t always feel like it.
Spending time with children at the orphanage and in the
community has been exhilarating and sad. There are days when I arrive and the
kids are so full of excitement to see you and other days that I arrive and many
of them are laying around because of fever or various illnesses. You never know
what you are going to get so I try to prepare my heart for just about anything.
How does one prepare their hearts for this kind of joy and pain? There really
isn’t a way to do it. When I am holding a child who I know has HIV and she is
burning up with fever and lethargic, what can one do other than pray. I have
supplied fever medication and the Dr. says that this is all you can do. Prayer
is my only weapon at this point.
There is joy when I hear the screams of Auntie Yaya is
coming and the pounding of many feet running in my general direction. There is
pain when the children are fighting each other over who gets to hold my hand or
skirt and who has the privilege of being bathed by me in the morning. Such
little things shouldn’t be a fight and in some ways shouldn’t matter but they
do.
When I am teaching a Bible Study and the girls are throwing
questions at me faster than my mind can think of where the answers are, I am
both thrilled and terrified. Am I really capable of doing this? Did I say the
right thing? Did they really understand my “strange white man’s speech?” My
last meeting with the older girls had lots of knocks on the doors from boys and
peeking through the windows. At one point the driver came to open the door to
say that we had to leave. The hour was late and after I am dropped off I have a
long walk home down a dark, dark, street. They are concerned for my safety and
I am concerned that I haven’t covered enough or answered all of the questions
that have been asked of me. When I do finally come out there is a line of boys
asking, Auntie, when do we have our own class with you? I sigh and tell them that
I am a girl and there are things that I can teach the girls but not the boys.
But there is something you can teach the boys, right? I leave with promises of
finding a male teacher to come back with to work with me in the future. As I
drive down the road, I fight back tears and try to answer questions from the
two boys in the car with me as I also try to seek the Lord for direction.
There is so much work to be done and I can work day and
night and not accomplish it all. I am working night and day and there is only
so much I can do. I can bring a team of 20 or 40 and still not accomplish it
all. I seek the Lord in the following days to find out where I should focus. I
don’t have much time left and I need to make a plan for the future. I have some
clarity but there are still areas that are fuzzy. I will continue to do what I
know He told me to do right now and wait for the answers on other situations.
Tomorrow I am headed out to a village a few hours away to begin
working at a medical outreach. I will take patient history in the mornings,
assist with teaching HIV prevention and Abstinence in the afternoons and we
will hold crusades in the evenings. This
is what the plan is. We shall see what the Lord has in store. The thing that I
know is certain is that God’s name will be lifted up and people will see His
love for them in action. How will people
know that we are Christians? By our love… Love should be our motivator for
everything. Love for the Father and then love for His people.
Pray for the team that arrives today. I am told that this is
the smallest medical team with the least amount of Doctor’s, yet we know that
the crowds are sure to be bigger. The work is much but God has chosen us for
this time and I trust that He has equipped us with what we need to get the job
done.
Once again I will be out of touch for a while. I will update
when I can.
Thank you for your prayers and support. I could not be here
without you. A very special thanks to my friends at Rozetta Baptist Church who
made the opportunity for me to participate in the Medical Outreach possible. Please continue to lift me up in prayer. Your
prayers give me the strength to continue in the face of adversity every day.
God giving His son for me, the ultimate act of LOVE.
Choosing me for this journey. LOVE and I am so grateful.
