Today has been a hard and interesting day. My last grandparent passed away this morning. My grandmother has been ill for a little while now. A few days before I left for Hawaii I called to check and see how she was doing. My prayer was that she would still be here when I came back and actually had a good amount of time to spend with her instead of a rushed visit here or there.
God is still in control and I know that she was tired. She deserves to be resting in the arms of Jesus right now and I am happy she’s there.
Isn’t it interesting how death forces you to evaluate your life…
This death in particular comes with many questions, and concerns. What does the future look like? What will happen to the family dynamics? Mothers and grandmothers have a way of cementing life together. They make everything work when it doesn’t seem like it should. They are the ultimate glue that holds families together. Without them there seems to be lots of uncertainty and rocky roads ahead. No matter how old you are or how much you may have fought with them, everyone seems to breathe a little easier when mom is around.
So my prayers are there for all of her children and my cousins who lived with her all of their lives. I lived with my other grandmother for many years and it took me three years to go back to her house after she passed away. My heart goes out to all of them particularly because I will not be able to be with them during this time. This seems to be a bit of a blessing and a curse. It’s interesting being away and going through this. You see things in a very different light. I am surrounded by people and yet feel so alone.
With all of my questions I will still trust God. A few things that happened during my last visit with my grandmother are now starting to make sense. A few other things leave me with even more questions. I’ve come to realize this is the way God works. He answers some questions but sometimes in those answers, more questions surface.
My heart has been breaking lately and I fear this may be the last thing to rip it to shreds. All of my questions about loving people and losing them have resurfaced in a completely different light. I recognize that God’s hand is at work and I’m grateful that He is in the heart repair business. He will be the only one who can see all of us through this and the many questioning days ahead.
Keep me and my family in your prayers.
T
Toya,
I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. So funny how things happen in this life. Today, you lost your grandmother and through the most amazing dream I had about my grandmother this morning, I felt that she had returned to me. She had come to visit me for the very first time here in North Carolina to support me during my court case with Chris that was scheduled for this afternoon but will now happen tomorrow (that’s another story). As you know, my grandmother passed away almost 3 years ago, but in my dream, I was in her arms and crying because I felt so safe and loved. As I first opened my eyes, I actually thought it had been real, but then realized it was only a dream, but that feeling of closeness, feeling safe in her arms, has stayed with me throughout the day. I know that God sent her to me in my dream to give me the strength and courage I needed today. I can still feel her arms around me and her presence. This has happened to me before and it is so amazing. I can honestly tell you that the ones we love stay with us long after they have left this life and moved on to be with God. I wish I was there to hold you close and maybe pass along some of that comfort and love that my grandmother left me with all day. I miss you more than words can say my friend. I find it hard to even say that much to you, but I know that you are serving a greater purpose and I must put my own selfish needs and wants aside knowing that you are exactly where you are supposed to be….exactly where God wants you to be. Sending all my love and prayers across the oceans to you….and I’m also sending one of the many hugs and kisses I got from Jack today. There is no better cure for a broken heart than love from my little man. You know this better than anyone.
Brigette
Praying. Love you.
Praying that you’ll feel God holding you in His arms, telling you that you’re never alone.
Sorry to hear about your grandmother. You are in my prayers and in the arms of God.